Sometimes Dagnabit just doesn't cut it.
>> Tuesday, January 11, 2011
I wanted to start my first “real” blog entry with something thought provoking and insightful…I really did. But just as I was about to cozy up to my computer and lay down some deep doodoo…a discussion of dire and valid importance presented itself to me, in just about the rudest way you can imagine. I’m preparing to launch myself onto my very comfortable couch when out of NOWHERE my coffee table jumps in front of me and stubs my toe. Just like that. Not your average run of the mill stub either, I mean a stub of EPIC proportions. So I did what any normal person would do and let out the most satisfying stream of expletives known to mankind, at the top of my lungs of course, (sorry neighbors) all the while grabbing my toe and hopping around the living room on one foot. You know, you’ve been there at least once in your life. That first initial split second when you think to yourself “did that really just happen?” and then the pain takes over and you think “yep. that. just. happened.” My point here is that there is nothing, and I mean NOTHING that takes the pain away more than letting out a gigantically terrible cuss word. After I settled down with a bowl of hot cocoa to help keep the pain at bay, I pondered why shouting a deliciously forbidden nasty word was so magically healing? I mean it is scientific fact. Lets not debate that. Toe stub + pain+ @$#%= less pain. So that’s Point A of my topic, but bear with me, because my thought process then lead to a Point B, which was that even though nothing is better than screaming the true version of your dirty word of choice, there are always situations when this is unacceptable. Like maybe a Bar Mitzvah, or in the middle of a slam poetry reading…or something. So if you’re like me, and not a chronic abuser of dirty words, you’re always looking for alternatives to the worst of the worst. Like, for example, “SONOFABISCUITEATER!!” or the always-entertaining “SONOFAMOTHERLESSGOAT!!”…maybe even “SHITAKE MUSHROOMS!!” Really, the options are endless. And don’t think for one second I didn’t Google “alternatives to cuss words” for other witty suggestions…because I most certainly did. I thought it polite and in good taste to share this list with you all, so that you may be better prepared the next time you’re in a situation where the use of your go-to word is highly frowned upon. Though you and I both know, that sometimes “dagnabit” just won’t cut it…and well..in that case, you go on with your bad self.
Courtesy of http://www.clarksco.com/trivia/curse/index.php
1. Beeotch
2. Cheese and Crackers
3. Cheese and Rice
4. Cheeses
5. Crud
6. Dag Nab It
7. Darn
8. Diablo
9. F-ing
10. Farging Icehole
11. Fiddle Sticks
12. For Rice Cakes!
13. Freaking
14. Frickin 'A
15. Fudge
16. Geez
17. Gosh Darnit
18. Heck
19. Holy Cow!
20. Horse pucky
21. Jiminy Crickits!
22. Judas Priest
23. Kawabunga
24. Piddle
25. Pluck it
26. Poo
27. Shaving Cream
28. Sheesh
29. Shitaki mushrooms
30. Shiznit
31. Shucks
32. Shut the front door
33. Son of a Gun
34. Son of a Mother
35. Son of a biscuit eater
36. Son of a motherless goat
37. Sons a' Guns
38. Sufferin Succotash
39. Sugar
40. Sunny beach
41. Tinkle
42. William Shatner
4 comments:
I also like "What the French Toast? :) Great read glad you are enjoyin' it! I started one through google a while back and the most I did was set the background and font! Lol :)
or how about "you lint licker!" you should definitely start your own too! I know its a lot of work, but its pretty fun letting your creative side flow :) or you can just try it out first by being my guest blogger :)
For some reason, I remember you screaming "scheisseminneli" or "scheisee-freaking-minneli" from across the hall freshmen year. Am I right?
Yes!! Shizaminelli!! Oh goodness, good times! Nazo, be a guest blogger for me!
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